The thing about being covert is that there’s no pretending that there is going to be some great reward once your covers been blown. Because your cover can never be blown; if you blow your cover then you’ve lost, and any reward that you might have thought that you have gotten comes in the form of death, prison or it’s living equivalent: poor compensation, a weak restitution of empty symbols and magical fantasy… religious pomp and circumstance…
No; when you are in a covert operation you are fully immersed, fully engaged. In this situation there is no doubts, no second thoughts, no second chances….
It is the most authentic being that one can be, because you’re all in no matter what.
This is how we were. We did it. That’s all that matters.
– Pete Smithers. 2008.